So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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