I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
