You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
