Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
