Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
