Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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