spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
