Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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