He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
