wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
