no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
