This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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