I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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