She is in my trunk
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
