she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
