it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
