oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
