The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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