so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
