Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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