someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
