In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
