don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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