i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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