Please don't use social media to get back at me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
