if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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