Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
