I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
