Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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