Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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