peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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