Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
