Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
