He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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