new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
