Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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