why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
