exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
