I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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