There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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