I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Shame is for Republicans.
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