Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
