i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
