You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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