My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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