Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
