I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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