maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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