Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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