I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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