hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
