I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize