How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
we're so committed to being not committed
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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