she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well I just put wine in my tea
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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