There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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