I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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