would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
