I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
