fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
