How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
