you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
