on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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