she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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