im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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