DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize