If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You're like the curious george of whores
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
