I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
