How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
farters have to be the big spoon...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
time to smoke my breakfast
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
