Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
