this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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